To see the original list, click here!
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Jon Hammond
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. – Brian O’Driscoll
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. – attributed to both Mark Twain and Albert Einstein
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. – to read the history of this quote, click here.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. – Alan Dundes
- War does not determine who is right – only who is left. – Bertrand Russell
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. – William Faulkner
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. – Doyle Brunson
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. – Ashleigh Brilliant
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. – Robert C. Gallagher
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Have a great weekend everyone!
For my first round of paraprosdokian one liners, click here.