Friday Funny: The Art of Neology

I exhausted my extensive knowledge of how to find obscure items on the web.   I, your web guru, have failed to find the original article. Instead, I found hoards of reprints.  It’s the equivalent to xerox humor on the office bulletin board, it’s everywhere.  In case you haven’t seen it yet, I will oblige you all.   I’ve taken the liberty to remove the cruder entries.  Let’s all have a bit of a laugh – enjoy.

“The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj): appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj): impotent.

6. Negligent (adj): describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v): to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n): olive-oil flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n): a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post’s ‘Style Invitational’ also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition…

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n): Satan, in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an arsehole.

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About Jodi

I'm an aspiring novelist working in fantasy and suspense, for now. I also have two pretty awesome blogs! https://myliteraryquest.wordpress.com and http://jodilmilnerauthor.wordpress.com
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5 Responses to Friday Funny: The Art of Neology

  1. Wild applause! Well found and posted!

  2. nrhatch says:

    Excellent post.

    The people who submitted these words are obviously not trapped in the Bozone layer.

  3. cubbageg says:

    This one winds up in my inbox every few months, and I’m always happy to see it when it shows up. I was even thinking about mentioning it in my next wordplay-related post, but I suppose I’ll just link here!

  4. Pingback: The Weekly Review #7 « My Literary Quest

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